I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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