White coat. Heels.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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