I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
