Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
