Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
