She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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