is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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