This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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