When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
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i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
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I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize