Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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