I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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