After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
