Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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