The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize