We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
