Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
