when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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