For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
