Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
