Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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