i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
