Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
