girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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