Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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