Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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