Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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