I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
