DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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