She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
