I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
