I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
