she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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