Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
