I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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