the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
