Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
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