uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
