Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
