if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
