Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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