I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
