I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
