I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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