By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
