she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
