Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
