Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
