I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
