It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
