My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
