Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
