A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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