Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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