Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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