Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Never underestimate the power of titties
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
