Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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