Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
