theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
