So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
