I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
