It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
