we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
