butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
