We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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