you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
