Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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