Dual....:-)
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
