If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
