i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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