therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i may or may not be watching the land before time
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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