he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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