is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
