are you still at the devil's house?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
