God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
