Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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