I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You are the jesus of drinking
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
