an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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