i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
