she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I understand Curling. That high.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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