anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
